dog v. package

once upon a time, i tried to write a second blog that i have now decided to abandon.  i was writing it because i felt like some of the posts were a bit too...offensive? obnoxious? potentially actionable?...to post them here, but now i think they're more acceptable than not.  maybe i've just become more offensive/obnoxious/potentially actionable myself.  whatever else they may be, i still think they're entertaining.  this is "dog v. package" from a couple of years ago.  enjoy!

brown dog, our most beloved and faithful pet, has a bone to pick with male strangers. he has a tendency to sniff, rather tentatively at first but with some force later into the experience, a dude's junk. last night he did so with alarming intensity to the point of poking strange man in our house pretty damn hard in the package. strange man asked to visit the powder room after said encounter with brown dog presumably to gather his wits and dignity; i feigned blindness to the entire incident and continued cooking dinner.

thing one (a.k.a. offspring) thinks brown dog does this because he is castrated--which freaks thing one out to no end anyway; thing two (a.a.k.a. offspring) isn't old enough to have an informed opinion. when told of the incident, significant other said, and i quote, "i'm completely aware of EXACTLY where everything else in the room is in relation to my package--how the hell could someone miss a goddamned dog sniffing their nuts? is he like the least-aware person ever?" significant other isn't known for being empathetic.

brown dog 1, strange male's package 0.