Wednesday, May 30, 2012

everything that breathes, poos

another reclaimed post from the now-abandoned blog, dating back a bit.  i was wicked pissed when i wrote this...amazingly, this couple (his wife got in on it, too) continued to bring their damn dog over for months after this incident!  they've stopped now (no, i didn't shoot the dog, or them, with the air rifle, nor would i--i was exaggerating for the sake of a good story) but it was massively annoying before they put an end to it.

let me preface this story by stating that i don't even let brown dog poo on his own lawn, much less do i invite others to do so.

our yard starts beyond a ravine, 40 feet from the sidewalk.  i worked my ass off clearing the area and we paid a fortune to get sod installed.  and if my asshole, down-the-street-neighbor's dog comes over and shits on my lawn one more time, i'm fucking shooting it.  or the neighbor.  or both.  i actually confronted him out there tonight as he stood and directed his dog to poo on my lawn, 20 feet beyond where the grass starts.  and down-the-street-neighbor fucking denied the dog was doing it while the dog was literally in the process of crapping not 10 feet away from me.  i'm thinking i should have picked up the alleged not-happening poo and chucked it at him to see if he'd like to change his position...but i refrained.  i have no idea what fucking alternate reality this asshole lives in, but in the one i and my yard inhabit we are getting shat upon.

the only remotely funny side to this was that i was actually holding an air rifle while i was yelling at the guy.  brown dog was inside barking his head off at what i thought was a raccoon (we've got a different problem with them), so i was ready to shoot something.  the dude is obviously blind as a bat, but that still doesn't excuse the assholeness.  poor brown dog--he's not even allowed to go on his own grass.

he's totally getting a flaming bag of his own dog's poo on his front porch soon.

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