Tuesday, July 1, 2008

meth addicts in colonial garb

i kid you not. last night we were served drinks and dinner by frickin' meth addicts in colonial garb. the bartender in particular was heavy into the throes of addiction--her meth mouth was absolutely revolting. yikes. you can put the meth addict into colonial garb but you can't take the meth addict out of...there's a moral in there somewhere.

we were forced to visit mount vernon last night by the ASOPRS (American Society of Ophthalmic Plastic and Reconstructive Surgeons) powers-that-be. obviously, whoever arranged this "party" for the conference attendees and their families is veeeeeery far removed from having kids at home and has spent waaaaaay too much time watching the history channel. we were herded, and i use this word correctly, into six ultra-plush luxury liner buses that hauled us 14 miles south to george washington's estate. an hour later (traffic) we all blindly staggered off the buses and tried to figure out what the hell we were supposed to do next--apparently, no one planned quite that far. so, after 15 minutes of lowing and swaying in front of the closed mount vernon entrance, we migrated to the inn next door where dinner was to be served. and there the fun began (or, rather, continued).

we were directed into a seemingly interminable (in actuality: 30 minute) line for vittles, the highlight of which was salmon jerky that may or may not have been edible at one time. having two small children, i was allowed the privilege of perusing the happy meal buffet, which was only slightly more appetizing than the super size version. gus, having barely survived the bus ride without throwing up, wasn't eating; sophie just wanted grapes. so, rather than salmon jerky, i got to eat two portions of chicken strips! yay me! rich, being somewhat concerned about appearances, forced down the jerky.

about an hour after choking down george-washington-type food (did they in fact have ketchup and creamy ranch in colonial times?), the powers that be took mercy on us and offered an early bus back to the city. THANK GOD. gus, sophie and i ran to the front of the line (manners, be damned! i have little kids!) and got a seat in the very front. mercifully that positioning kept gus from getting sick on the way back. there is no way in hell we could have stood another 90 minutes of mount vernon's hospitality as the meth addicts were getting restless. that and our bus driver was mysteriously bleeding from his forearm (like actively bleeding). rich, again concerned with appearances, did wait it out and regretted it--he was too much discomfited to speak of the ordeal.

would washington approve of all this? possibly--didn't he farm hemp? the highlight of the evening by far was seeing nerad and jodi--they were wonderful and made up for a good deal of bother. rich got to spend more time with them than i did (lucky bastard) because of the jumping-on-the-early-bus thing. i knew all of one other person (alford), but he was sans ginger (his wife). i think we'll all try this again next year, without the meth addicts.

1 comment:

  1. I cannot tell a lie -- I enjoyed the evening immensely.