Tuesday, June 3, 2008

i might be boring...but rich may not exist

rich can't prove his identity to the great computer in the sky, therefore we can't get a home improvement loan. and it's starting to piss both of us off quite a lot. actually, i guess i should say it is pissing me off as rich does not have a spare second to try and fix this. allow me to explain...

in 2000, rich took what could have been a wonderful job at baylor college of medicine--it turned out to not be quite the right fit for him--but he had to go through two tons of paperwork to set up his insurances, licensing, 401k, etc. and all that required him to give out his social security number over and over again, so much so that he eventually started giving it out over the phone to anyone who said they were calling from some department at baylor. somewhere during this process some asshole took his info and literally went to town with it; the only reason we found out about it was because i got a very nasty response from my credit card company when i tried to get our limit increased.

so after a truckload of hours calling credit companies, cellphone providers, home improvement stores and a host of other places, i finally got most of rich's credit restored. it truly was like having a part-time job just trying to sort this crap out. then we moved to albuquerque (the second time), found an awesome mortgage broker who helped us clean up the rest, and everything was golden for a while.

around christmastime, we found out that our credit card numbers were being used by who knows who--someone posing as rich--so we closed all those accounts and contacted credit companies, again. it was probably someone different from the original thief but it was a red flag nonetheless and we had to go through the whole identity theft process again.

now we are trying to get a home improvement loan to put in our muy boring double-paned windows, and we can't prove rich's identity. apparently, there is yet a third person using rich's social security number not for credit but for identity. and in this realm, we are screwed because since no actual theft is occurring and he isn't monetarily being damaged by someone using his number for employment or whatever no one cares. and i discovered a frightening statistic--over $500 billion dollars in taxes have been paid since 1983 under duplicate/erroneous/fraudulent social security numbers so there is no reason in the world for the government to help us. records of these payments under duplicate numbers aren't collected on social security statements because somehow only the "primary" number holder gets their earnings collected on those.

SO, here we are. we can't prove who rich is, and even though we can prove who i am no one gives a shit because i don't have an income. but today i realized that the one place i can always get a loan is at toyota, since they do all their own financing, so i went back on the prius list today. yay me! now i am officially doubly boring, as i have elected to spend our money on a prius for me and possibly, if rich decides to exist again, double-paned windows for the house.

i am sick of being an adult.

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